handling

there's nothing wrong in what you do
just that i don't like it
this is the type of connection that is just not workable
nothing's wrong....just not right
for me, for you, for us

too precious

memories are too precious
but we always forget
when we saw a cue
remembering a long lost memories
do we feel glad or sad?

forgetting is a defend mechanism according psychological theory
because if we remember everything
we lose the joy of exposing to something new
and may even affect our ability to create a new memory

memories are too precious
yet we still forget
even when the joy makes you speechless
even when the pain is unbearable

i wanted to keep a journal
but for someone like me, keeping an object is an impossible task
writing in blogs....well...
who know one day the www got attack by somewhat artificial intelligence
or an unknown magnetic field pass through the earth and wipe out all electronic goods
watch too much movies i admit but who knows what will happen in the future
heng leng always scold me that i think too much, maybe~ maybe he's right

recently i experience a lot of flashbacks
maybe because recently i have a lot of repeated dreams
like once i have when i was a child
it brings back memories

maybe i will keep a journal then
not hereXD
there i do it again
weai also always scold me for posting emo stuff
but if i can ignore it
what makes feeling so special??
like i don;t have the right to do it
all i do is annoyed most of the people
make them never come back
be a loner
the price to pay for expressing
izit worth it?
what if i forget one day?

visual thoughts 1

random drawing with 'paint'
even though i say i do not
but deep down maybe i still hope for something that have the equal odds as striking lottery

lying

when i say i don't
i think i might do
is not that i'm lying
but i didn't know the truth

when i look outside the window
life become a steady dead picture
when i look at our album
the pictures become alive

i'm not smiling
neither am i crying
when my heart feel a pitch of pain
my mind is still deciding

fighting or letting go
the process still feel so slow
watching the once bloomed flowers
fall on the river surface and went with the flow

When silent is killing me softly
did anger consume your love?
Did you feel any bit of irritation
if yes both of us lose

I'm the one alone
hence i'm the one feeling the lost
it prove to me that i always right all along
In relationship, i never gotten strong.

still hesitating when i know that this blog is already announced dead
"The minute people fall in love, they become liars"---Harlan Ellison
I was born to lie

i need to

i should have done this when we are still close
i should have done this when our bond is at the peak

one cut is all it take to collide
like an avalanche, i never can imagine it being rebuild
when you look at me
will it trigger that hatred
would it be better to hide from you whenever i can?

i lost my sleep for few nights
and i know it serves me right
is all just a phone call away
what standing between is my fear

you couldn't have love me better
matter of fact you are the one that never cut me
sitting here thinking of what i done
i never know better
i'm not good as a friend or what so ever

i guess i'm selfish all along
taking granted for what i hold on
never know when i let go
it slips like it should and is told

is a tribute that i never dare to admit
till now i whether should i write your name
forgive me for having less faith
i never have confident in my existence

all i know is,
i told you are an angel before
and i'm sorry
from the core
i don't know what is all this for
love...is always like a battlefield
and..i guess is worth a fight
and a scar
sorry

dead. end. road.

being optimistic,

i will always believe an end is linked to another beginning

somehow my mental mode right now is like reaching to an end of the road...

what's waiting on the other side?

what will happen if i leap from here?

a thing that i always imagine but never anticipate

now i wanna discover more

would i find the light on the other side?

hope? joy? love? happiness?

a smile

with no reasons

somewhere i can live my dreams

or maybe a disastrous storm is behind that turn?

even more pain, angry, hatred?

but doesn't downfall makes the rebounce even more exciting?

I dunno why my heart long for a turn

i guess is a good sign that my mental premination is on the end of the road

i guess i so desperate rigth now i might bang to any deadend without hesitation

hahahah~~~~~lol...

can't wait!

better now than ever

let's dance!

haze out!^^

Why May?

May origin is from the word maya, which Beloved.
Maia(May) is also the name of the Roman earth goddess.


Let's play the numeric analysis of characteristic :
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
A B C D E F G H I
J K L M N O P Q R
S T U V W X Y Z

add your names number according to the chart: ex,
M + A + Y
4 + 1 + 7 = 12
1 + 2 = 3

Number Meaning & Characteristics
1 Competitive - a leader, independent, strength, creative and original
2 Diplomatic - friendly, tactful, peaceful, gentle and sensitive
3 Optimistic - Easygoing, sociable, spontaneous and humorous
4 Traditionalist - Determined, reliable, conservative, activist and organised
5 Creative - Free spirited, artistic, enquiring, innovative and influential
6 Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable
7 Inventive - Imaginative, resourceful, eccentric, quiet and thoughtful
8 Organizer - Leadership skills, planner, strong, high achiever and sound judgment
9 Humanitarian - Compassionate, caring, charitable and civilised

how do i get my name?
is bcos the doctor say that i will be born on the month of MAY
so my parent decided to call me MAY:)

but who knows
i decide to come out earlier by half a month:P
well, they didn't change my name to april thouXD
instead they added ling at the back of may
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAY LING!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHit! tat's like the most common name ever in chinese society!

honestly i really hate my name
nah,...i jz hate the ling
May is nice, so i will keep that!
May + Hade = what you will know me as now!

By ending the month of May 2009
I'm May Hade!

Batik what?

sunday morning 8 am, when suppose to be hibernating in my cave, i follow the Monash Nusantara CLub to the batik workshop,

but well.. is kinda fun:P

First of all...wear the apron!!


Then we are introduce to the tools~~~

They say the color they use is all natural color pigment from plants
The unique tool is actually the wax pen, is like a mini cup attached to a pen with a small hole at the bottom
fill the wax from the top n the wax will leak down from the hole
the wax is very hot n the wax will continue flow from the moment you put the wax in!
so the catch is....you need to draw extremely fast!

Then a guy from there demo how to draw!
omg he draw so fast without any sketch!!! free hand drawing all d way n yet the end result is soo B~E~A~Utifu!!!



okie, thoeries over! now is time to put to practice!


sketch is provided for us to trace, but ofcos we can design our own also:)
cos we are beginner lah, so we draw with pencil first then only draw with wax!

now! Everybody is concentrating!! Stress~!



The master in work! ceh~



after an hour or two of hardship....

The result is out! Thank you for your vote,,,,@$^@#$(addicted to american idol!!! OMG! ADAM LOSE?!)

let's show off mine 1st! ciang ciang!!



i know...it doesn't look like batik....
art is art okie! i draw wat i like!!!
btw, the animal tat i draw is zoo family!!!
i dedicate my this art work to those dudes that have always, however, been around!!
heng the tai go dumbo, yip the cham version of monkey king, felly the forever meow cat, peng the cute piggy n jun the evil fox!

ohya! and everybody's creation!!



by that! we call it a day!
a very creative day^^
i love the smell of art>.<"

haze off! c ya;)

MAY is back!

"I woke up today with this feeling

That better things are coming my way

And if the sunshine has a meaning

Telling me not to let things get in my way

When the rainy days are dying

Gotta keep on, keep on trying

All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)

Never let go, gotta hold on in

Non-stop 'til the break of dawnin'

Keep on movin' don't stop rockin' (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when you're down Baby,

take a good look around

I know it's not much,

but it's okay

Keep on moving anyway

Feels like I should be screaming

Trying to get it through to my friends

Sometimes it feels that life has no meaning

But I know things will be alright in the end

When the rainy days are dying

Gotta keep on, keep on trying

All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)

Never let go, gotta hold on in

Non-stop 'til the break of dawnin'

Keep on movin' don't stop rockin' (ahh ahh ahh)

Get on up when you're down Baby,

take a good look around

I know it's not much,

but it's okay

Keep on moving anyway"

by FIVE (album KING SIZE)

So suddenly this song kept on playing in my head!

Then why not just post it lah:P

(Felly n eaven have been threathening to declare my blog deadXD)

Days are quite blue recently, even KL is abit hazzy at nite

but somehow really! is okie:)

Just do my thing, keep kicking

*things will be alright in the end* XD

Keep on meowing guys!!

btw, kinda miss those days wer boy group are always such a poser but their songs just make you wanna jump! N if u wondering who the hell is FIVE, they sang "WE WILL ROCK YOU!"

HAZE OFF! c ya:D

gotta do tis

very very bad day,
but is over!
pass d storm adi
hopefully the side effects is not great

somehow
running away really takes alot of courage
envy the people who can
i can't
but i don't really know what is holding me back
that reason shouldn't be a reason
cause that's also a reason why i wanna get out
what is wrong?

screw guys!

i need somewhere to release my anger if not i dun think i can sleep today!!!!
i hate guys!!!!
their ego!
their pride!
their ignorance!
their self centered!
their insecurity is killing me!!!!
feel so angry and miserable right now!
but still i can't be completely cruel to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

okie...a.feeling abit better:s

omg omg omg

to weai n peng:
DUN DECLARE ME DEAD YET!!!!
somethings coming!!
believe me!

not this one

between two individual
there's a fine line
which is forbidden to trespass

is a point to reality
but it is a fragile skin
couldn't stand the sun light
nor the moon light

if i push the limits
this is my price to pay
melody triggers the heart
a slight sting set as a reminder
through time pass
we will see
whether we could stand meeting each other again

dark blue

haha....
is becoming an emo blog adi...

my emotion is going quite crazy lately..not bcos of PMS:p

today...is not my lucky day
everytg i do doesn"t turn out right
and these alot of thing i couldn't manage to do
feeling blue
feeling lonely...

i"m really too spoilt...
couldn't get use to being alone...
especially bad hair days like today

is not bcos i will think of you all when i'm feeling lonely
is bcos of thinking of you all..i feel extremely lonely..
thx for all the love and care!
i will tryto turn it into a motivation to live on
and noises of memory to fill the silent moments:)

....i thought i'll be able to go genting n see the sun rise right now...
i think i kena ffk...
sad...
reli today is not my day..

that's all

i wanna admit it
cos it will be easier to forget

i couldn't
cos totally don't have the rights to

what can i do?
let time waste it away
now i'm just baring..waiting

lei le

bu xue yao li you de
xin yi jing teng le
xiang shuo de, mei mo le
mei shen me zhi bu zhi de

bu neng xie de
bu neng dong de
yan lei liu le
wo que bu cheng ren wo ku le

voices

it can't hidden it can't be held back
what i want is not a fall
but is just right
as a way out
i won't regret
but it still hurt
pleasure existed
where pain is inevitable

i saw a wishing star
i wonder so hard what i'm trying to pray for
it is for it to get easier?
or is it for it to never fade away
yet again
for pleasure or for pain?
the later seems harder to obtain

what makes me grip harder
what makes me stronger?
is it to let go or to grip even harder
if time can heal, should i flow with it
or should i kept walking but still kept waiting

eyes doesn't meet the mind
mind doesn't meet the heart
the eyes..revealing everything from the heart
the mind...kept myself away from others stare
pathetically precious
the moment stops while time is going
i am who i am now
walking in circle in a larger scale
this was what i wish for once
is also what i grief for now
i won't change my initial determination
cause even if i do
i won't
face back
walk away

so i wish from the wishing star
throw me away
or make me stronger
cos i need more strength
to grip
and to let go