handling

there's nothing wrong in what you do
just that i don't like it
this is the type of connection that is just not workable
nothing's wrong....just not right
for me, for you, for us

too precious

memories are too precious
but we always forget
when we saw a cue
remembering a long lost memories
do we feel glad or sad?

forgetting is a defend mechanism according psychological theory
because if we remember everything
we lose the joy of exposing to something new
and may even affect our ability to create a new memory

memories are too precious
yet we still forget
even when the joy makes you speechless
even when the pain is unbearable

i wanted to keep a journal
but for someone like me, keeping an object is an impossible task
writing in blogs....well...
who know one day the www got attack by somewhat artificial intelligence
or an unknown magnetic field pass through the earth and wipe out all electronic goods
watch too much movies i admit but who knows what will happen in the future
heng leng always scold me that i think too much, maybe~ maybe he's right

recently i experience a lot of flashbacks
maybe because recently i have a lot of repeated dreams
like once i have when i was a child
it brings back memories

maybe i will keep a journal then
not hereXD
there i do it again
weai also always scold me for posting emo stuff
but if i can ignore it
what makes feeling so special??
like i don;t have the right to do it
all i do is annoyed most of the people
make them never come back
be a loner
the price to pay for expressing
izit worth it?
what if i forget one day?

visual thoughts 1

random drawing with 'paint'
even though i say i do not
but deep down maybe i still hope for something that have the equal odds as striking lottery

lying

when i say i don't
i think i might do
is not that i'm lying
but i didn't know the truth

when i look outside the window
life become a steady dead picture
when i look at our album
the pictures become alive

i'm not smiling
neither am i crying
when my heart feel a pitch of pain
my mind is still deciding

fighting or letting go
the process still feel so slow
watching the once bloomed flowers
fall on the river surface and went with the flow

When silent is killing me softly
did anger consume your love?
Did you feel any bit of irritation
if yes both of us lose

I'm the one alone
hence i'm the one feeling the lost
it prove to me that i always right all along
In relationship, i never gotten strong.

still hesitating when i know that this blog is already announced dead
"The minute people fall in love, they become liars"---Harlan Ellison
I was born to lie

i need to

i should have done this when we are still close
i should have done this when our bond is at the peak

one cut is all it take to collide
like an avalanche, i never can imagine it being rebuild
when you look at me
will it trigger that hatred
would it be better to hide from you whenever i can?

i lost my sleep for few nights
and i know it serves me right
is all just a phone call away
what standing between is my fear

you couldn't have love me better
matter of fact you are the one that never cut me
sitting here thinking of what i done
i never know better
i'm not good as a friend or what so ever

i guess i'm selfish all along
taking granted for what i hold on
never know when i let go
it slips like it should and is told

is a tribute that i never dare to admit
till now i whether should i write your name
forgive me for having less faith
i never have confident in my existence

all i know is,
i told you are an angel before
and i'm sorry
from the core
i don't know what is all this for
love...is always like a battlefield
and..i guess is worth a fight
and a scar
sorry

dead. end. road.

being optimistic,

i will always believe an end is linked to another beginning

somehow my mental mode right now is like reaching to an end of the road...

what's waiting on the other side?

what will happen if i leap from here?

a thing that i always imagine but never anticipate

now i wanna discover more

would i find the light on the other side?

hope? joy? love? happiness?

a smile

with no reasons

somewhere i can live my dreams

or maybe a disastrous storm is behind that turn?

even more pain, angry, hatred?

but doesn't downfall makes the rebounce even more exciting?

I dunno why my heart long for a turn

i guess is a good sign that my mental premination is on the end of the road

i guess i so desperate rigth now i might bang to any deadend without hesitation

hahahah~~~~~lol...

can't wait!

better now than ever

let's dance!

haze out!^^

Why May?

May origin is from the word maya, which Beloved.
Maia(May) is also the name of the Roman earth goddess.


Let's play the numeric analysis of characteristic :
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
A B C D E F G H I
J K L M N O P Q R
S T U V W X Y Z

add your names number according to the chart: ex,
M + A + Y
4 + 1 + 7 = 12
1 + 2 = 3

Number Meaning & Characteristics
1 Competitive - a leader, independent, strength, creative and original
2 Diplomatic - friendly, tactful, peaceful, gentle and sensitive
3 Optimistic - Easygoing, sociable, spontaneous and humorous
4 Traditionalist - Determined, reliable, conservative, activist and organised
5 Creative - Free spirited, artistic, enquiring, innovative and influential
6 Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable
7 Inventive - Imaginative, resourceful, eccentric, quiet and thoughtful
8 Organizer - Leadership skills, planner, strong, high achiever and sound judgment
9 Humanitarian - Compassionate, caring, charitable and civilised

how do i get my name?
is bcos the doctor say that i will be born on the month of MAY
so my parent decided to call me MAY:)

but who knows
i decide to come out earlier by half a month:P
well, they didn't change my name to april thouXD
instead they added ling at the back of may
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAY LING!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHit! tat's like the most common name ever in chinese society!

honestly i really hate my name
nah,...i jz hate the ling
May is nice, so i will keep that!
May + Hade = what you will know me as now!

By ending the month of May 2009
I'm May Hade!